btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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