I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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