her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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