Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
