she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My bed smells like the plague
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
