I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
