Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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