Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
