Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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