Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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