if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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