Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
