the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize