That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize