youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
