Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
