Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
