Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
