The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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