so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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