Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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