I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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