Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
