I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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