omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
