Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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