I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
