OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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