did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
