And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
