The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
