ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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