How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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