he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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