RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
