This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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