I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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