I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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