It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
