bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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