i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
