he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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