I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
