it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
