They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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