What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He passed out mid-signature
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I supernannyed him into submission
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
