why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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