i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
