Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do herpes really smell.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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