He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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