walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
