I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
