I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
