No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
