Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
