Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
