i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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