You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
