I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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