12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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