i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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