At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
