This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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