FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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